Y2K Bug Off!



Year 2K Bug Off! Experts have predicted that the year 2000 will introduce a multitude of glitches to our predominately computer based technology. On January 1, 2000, some doomsayers predict that everything electrical will stop working because computers cannot assimilate the numerals "00". Some consumers anticipate plane crashes, global recession, banks that will not open, and jails that will not close. I have some neurotic friends who believe that when the year 2000 hits, suddenly somehow we shall all be transported back in time to a pre-industrial era in which we shall all have to live with our family like the "Joads" in Steinbeck’s novel, "The Grapes Of Wrath".
I believe that a lot of the hysteria and fear about the year 2K comes from the fact that experts refer to this phenomenon as a "bug". It is a well known fact that people instinctively recoil when they see a bug. We fear bug’s physical grotesqueness, their diseases, and their winged intrusions into our homes. Instead, technicians could have spared us a lot of grief by terming the problem "The Year 2K Inconvenience" or "The Year 2K Boo-Boo" which implies that you could just attach a bandage to your computer and everything would be fine. Consumers also dread the Year 2K Problem because they fear technology run amok. This fear is dramatized well in the film "2001" in which a computer named, "Hal" takes over, runs amok, and kills off several crewmen in a spaceship. Some people fear Bill Gates, the CEO of Microsoft, himself because he is so rich and appears to devour everything in his path. Many call Gates a four eyed boogyman.

I feel that the Year 2K Problems have been highly exaggerated. Those who feel the beginning of the new year will usher in apocalyptic conditions can rest easy. Here is a list of the only minor problems which I foresee at the dawn of the new millenium: · At 12:01 AM, January1, 2000, a rifle toting Charlton Heston will take to the streets and shout, "It’s Doomsday, arrrrghh, Doomsday!!!!". · Loss of power during a Riverdance concert at Rockefeller Center will cause Lord Flately to jig and stomp on several people’s heads in the first row. · Shifts in the galaxy will occur; causing a parallel universe to appear in which Tim Conway and Harvey Korman are still considered funny. · Performers Pee Wee Herman and George Michael will decide to "ring in" the new millenium in the same way while in a Manchester Lavatory.